After a while as I was filling an application form today, I realized that I was missing the alphabet ‘e’ repeatedly. We all, I suppose, usually omit random alphabets while writing. That happens. What took my attention today was that I was omitting only ‘e’.
May be I was tired. Even though I skip every time, ‘e’ in the word haven’t, just because at some time during my teenager years, I had developed the habit of using SMS lingo, all the time. Still, it bothered me. Only if I could erase memory of this incident! Yes the movie, ‘Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind’ came to my mind, but other things, as usual, also followed..
I imagined a scenario with my family and me, sitting together, chatting, smiling, enjoying. And then suddenly, I vanishing, dissolving in the air, omitted from the scene. It would happen instantly.
I would evaporate in the frozen time.
And then my memories getting erased from family’s minds.
They would be confused later, seeing a cup of tea, my clothes lying on my seat. Their confused senses would sense something amiss. My belongings, photographs, voice recordings, cards, gifts, poems, writings that will catch them eventually will force them to think. They would try to establish my identity and their relationship with me, but it would go in vain.
Then, they would try to understand their habits related to me. My mom coming to my room in morning to switch off the night lamp, but finding no one in the room. My sister dialing my number not knowing whom to talk to. The sudden free time left in the life of those that otherwise was spent talking to me. The habits would frustrate them. But then they are ‘Habits’. With time, habit without purpose erodes away. It is transient in nature. And if the essence of the habit is not reminded, it is forgotten. My vanishing into the infinite followed by a short phase of vanishing habits will be all. They would eventually then go on. They wouldn’t place the omitted in their lives.
I have had such friends in many phases of my life without whom I used to think life would cease to exist. Now I just remember their names and very few things related to those times spent with them. New people came in and took their places which obviously happened in a very gradual way. They have been like different curtains on windows of my life with different capabilities of filtering light. I got used to all of them till they vanished or were substituted.
What bothers me the most is the fact that we people render nothing worthy, because everything and everyone, times spent in joy and oblivion, enemies and loved ones, at some point of time under some reasonable situations and circumstances can be logically forgotten.
We take pride at something and next moment we delete it. It doesn’t really matter, even if it is restored to its original place from the recycle bin. It loses it’s worth.
Once omitted, remains omitted forever, even if it is re-established strongly in darker shades.
It is a very strange fact that the ‘Omission’ leaves the darkest mark; darker than any shade of insertion. And yet we skip the ‘Omitted’.
Synthesize the pigments of sorrow, indifference and joy
And color the time with them, it doesn’t matter if you are color blind
as you spread the sheet of time around yourself
and dip the brush of your actions in tears, waterfalls and brine
make it beautiful with shades of success and romance
and then cherish it; I say, hold it high in the day light
and if you don’t like some part or shade of it
bring it and see it with a different aspect, under a different colored lamp
you will then feel the beauty again
and the sorrow will camouflage with joy surrounding
The whole process of painting goes on, on the same canvass
Your dimensions change with each painting
Then one day when your skin and hair would have changed their color
try to place that lovely shade you had once spotted on the canvass
which you had held high with the satisfaction of a monk
with a blissful smile of a first-time-in-life-proud child
You may not find it and the worst being, you may not miss it at all!!
For it would have been omitted from your mind
Like the dreams you ride between sunset and sunrise..
Image source: http://freelanceweekly.com/2010/03/03/the-case-of-the-vanishing-client/