Monday, August 13, 2012

Fighting The Heavyweight

 I love talking. When there’s no one around to talk to, I talk to myself. When there’s something I need to share with someone, and can’t, I talk to myself. And so I love talking.
Most of the times something or other goes on in my mind and so when I cannot talk, I write. So I love writing. I need to pour out my thoughts or else I feel flooded; flooded with my own thoughts.  And floods remind me of nature. I see my thoughts’, my feelings’ reflection in the nature. Those beautiful rains make us either ecstatic or forlorn; may be because we get to see what joy is and what grief is in the form of rains. It is as if there is something inside us which we know exists, but can’t define. I mean those feelings do exist. It’s just that they need to be manifested in some physical form for me to witness them; in a smile on our face for others to see, and in the nature for us to see.
And so I look outside and search for tangible forms of all that is intangible, there inside me to be viewed, appreciated, criticised and analysed by me..!

Words for me are like a mirror. I can see myself. I can read myself and so I can come closer to myself and love myself consciously.
So as I said when there are too much of things going on in one’s mind, it’s better to dispense them. In my case I have to do it. In my third year of college, a professor mistakenly gave me detention (wherein I was barred from sitting through exams) in two of my subjects. It obviously worried me a lot and I knew that there was no use of worrying. But I was not able to control my worrying and was feeling bullied by my thoughts. I tried to emasculate them and so I scribbled the following lines on a rough sheet of paper:

So this moment gains weight
as many thoughts proliferate
This is not the right time
so I ask them to just wait….
But my mind has no place
nowhere to make them stay
and for a while I say,
“Please, these thoughts need some rest with such a pace
that they are incessantly moving at..”
But my plead is caged in a bubble
No one listens and it goes to waste
So I tell my thoughts in order to direct them,
“You have to go far, very far, and so go, segregate..”
And they do so sincerely obeying me
in spite of knowing the fact
that I’m putting them on the wrong track
and that they ought to be together in a group to affect me,
torture me and bully me to their best
They know that I’m trying to mislead them
But they still go on different tracks..!
But how could I underestimate these thoughts
Of course, they follow my order of getting dispersed as they very well know that
they can still gain weight, enough weight
by producing some and orienting other thoughts with each of them
And so, as my efforts go in vain
this moment still gains weight..

Yes, my thoughts mushroomed and at that moment I did get worried to a certain extent, while I was jotting down the above lines, but afterwards, writing it down not just distracted me from my previous state of mind (i.e. the one before writing down the above lines), it also did make me feel better, much better!
And my efforts eventually did not go in vain and the moments felt light.
So, try out this writing exercise and disorient your thoughts whenever they try to appropriate your peace of mind. The thoughts will try their best to club themselves to get powerful, but you have to keep fighting and trust me you will succeed in the end. So don’t let such worrisome thoughts bog you down and after you write, you will feel remarkably well.

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