The Omitted

After a while as I was filling an application form today, I realized that I was missing the alphabet ‘e’ repeatedly. We all, I suppose, usually omit random alphabets while writing. That happens. What took my attention today was that I was omitting only ‘e’.

May be I was tired. Even though I skip every time, ‘e’ in the word haven’t, just because at some time during my teenager years, I had developed the habit of using SMS lingo, all the time. Still, it bothered me. Only if I could erase memory of this incident! Yes the movie, ‘Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind’ came to my mind, but other things, as usual, also followed..

I imagined a scenario with my family and me, sitting together, chatting, smiling, enjoying. And then suddenly, I vanishing, dissolving in the air, omitted from the scene. It would happen instantly.

I would evaporate in the frozen time.

And then my memories getting erased from family’s minds.

They would be confused later, seeing a cup of tea, my clothes lying on my seat. Their confused senses would sense something amiss. My belongings, photographs, voice recordings, cards, gifts, poems, writings that will catch them eventually will force them to think. They would try to establish my identity and their relationship with me, but it would go in vain.

Then, they would try to understand their habits related to me. My mom coming to my room in morning to switch off the night lamp, but finding no one in the room. My sister dialing my number not knowing whom to talk to. The sudden free time left in the life of those that otherwise was spent talking to me. The habits would frustrate them. But then they are ‘Habits’. With time, habit without purpose erodes away. It is transient in nature. And if the essence of the habit is not reminded, it is forgotten.  My vanishing into the infinite followed by a short phase of vanishing habits will be all. They would eventually then go on. They wouldn’t place the omitted in their lives.

I have had such friends in many phases of my life without whom I used to think life would cease to exist. Now I just remember their names and very few things related to those times spent with them. New people came in and took their places which obviously happened in a very gradual way. They have been like different curtains on windows of my life with different capabilities of filtering light. I got used to all of them till they vanished or were substituted.

What bothers me the most is the fact that we people render nothing worthy, because everything and everyone, times spent in joy and oblivion, enemies and loved ones, at some point of time under some reasonable situations and circumstances can be logically forgotten.

We take pride at something and next moment we delete it. It doesn’t really matter, even if it is restored to its original place from the recycle bin. It loses it’s worth.

 Once omitted, remains omitted forever, even if it is re-established strongly in darker shades.

It is a very strange fact that the ‘Omission’ leaves the darkest mark; darker than any shade of insertion. And yet we skip the ‘Omitted’.

Synthesize the pigments of sorrow, indifference and joy

And color the time with them, it doesn’t matter if you are color blind

as you spread the sheet of time around yourself

and dip the brush of your actions in tears, waterfalls and brine

make it beautiful with shades of success and romance

and then cherish it; I say, hold it high in the day light

and if you don’t like some part or shade of it

bring it and see it with a different aspect, under a different colored lamp

you will then feel the beauty again

and the sorrow will camouflage with joy surrounding

The whole process of painting goes on, on the same canvass

Your dimensions change with each painting

Then one day when your skin and hair would have changed their color

try to place that lovely shade you had once spotted on the canvass

which you had held high with the satisfaction of a monk

with a blissful smile of a first-time-in-life-proud child

You may not find it and the worst being, you may not miss it at all!!

For it would have been omitted from your mind

Like the dreams you ride between sunset and sunrise..

 Image source: http://freelanceweekly.com/2010/03/03/the-case-of-the-vanishing-client/

 

Pebbles

A simple logic that runs through my mind

A hard truth which is equally hard to grind

is that world that we are possessed by

is unfaithful to everybody who is alive..

And we still have faith in it despite

Our logic that doesn’t fit in the given attire

And I wonder what is it that’s mine

irrespective of all the knowledge and quagmire..

And I wonder how do I know who is mine

irrespective of this cycle of death and life..

A sinking feeling then makes me realize

the depth of simplicity that I have taken in hand so easily

A negative feeling, in me that balloons inside,

then feels the pressure of the positivity in the air outside..

But it keeps soaring high in the sky

And I wonder when the balloon would deflate into nothing…

The complexity has churned nothing out of my head

And to contemplate upon what they and I said

has lost its charm as it doesn’t seem to help!!

So what do I do? Others say that I should take some rest

and spare them from the torture of  the whips of the simple and the complex!

But I say someone would foresee, someone would understand

The need to mull over the seen and unseen, heard and unheard, fought and abandoned..

Well I suggest that this complexity is an exercise to understand the simple

And our logic and thoughts are nothing but ripples

that arise out of some disturbance, good or bad, in our lives..

So let’s just sit quietly at a river bank, under shade of a tree

And drink the beauty of those ripples appearing, swimming, and disappearing

caused by nothing but by pebbles of those moments…

image source: http://50lessonslearned.nichetraining.co.za/uncategorized/lesson-3-people-aren%E2%80%99t-going-to-act-the-way-you-want-them-to-act-2/

The Fugitive

A lonely street I see, in front of me

Full of people’s dreams floating in the air

It makes me wonder, “Where is my sleep?”

This night is passing away,

 And the dawn is near

I try to listen to the sound of tip toe

Somewhere I know I’ll find it if I follow

But it seems all I hear, is my panting breath

And even my heart beats have gone low

Where are you my slippery sleep?

What have you slipped into? Where did you go?

To my left and right, I toss and toss

My now straight legs I then again cross

In my mind I still wander here and there

This consciousness, now my mind cannot bear

Someone tell me where are my dreams, where?

Can’t you see my helplessness now bare…?

I’m on the verge of giving up now

The sun is rising  and  the sky has allowed

The birds to fly towards the horizon

And as I see the scene outside my window so mesmerizing

“Forget it..!!”, I say, springing out of my bed

Why should I mourn over my sleep which has fled…?

A rusty book I see, in front of me

Full of hazy words floating in there

It makes me wonder, “where is my sleep?..!!”

The book from my hands is slipping away

.........And my sleep is finally near……! 

image sources: http://cloudninetalks.blogspot.in/2012_01_01_archive.html

http://www.thesocialpenguinblog.com/2011/08/29/the-weird-world-of-the-blog-spam-comment/john-tennek-4x18-insomniac-ren-e9378116/

 

Stirring The Wonderful

At the behest of my own knowledge

I consider myself and you as one

But Oh Dear! Do I have to take any pledge

before I profess such statement?

Anyhow, I think I still craze

for those moments that passed by

without our permission they crossed

the territories of our then present..

Tell me, tell me please

Can we ever retrieve them?

And even though we compose new music now

You see I have my favorites that I want to rewind

And those templates of the past that once menaced

I wish I could play with them once again this time

And those street lights that behind us flashed once

the darkest phase of our lives had lit when

And that light music that played in our loud heart beats’ presence

Yes I remember that time that left such deep dent

I don’t want to get it repaired and cherish it instead!

Only if I could get into the memories in my head for real

I would sneak into that world and get it sealed

But tell me if you would accompany me in this endeavor

because without you every world is rendered

colorless whether real or fiction..

Will you sip the drink of magic

that I will create for us to enter our dreams

or are we expected to stay lethargic?

and just miss helplessly those moments that still gleam..

I also wish I could somehow get

new lyrics for the old times, the music that we once played

and fresh dialogues and gestures to recreate

some moments that we didn’t live to the fullest..

But why should I mull over the bygones

when distance has followed our decision

of staying away from each other?

In such case, how shall we ever

expect to do the justice to our past?

May be we should just move forward

with a bag of things we managed to escape which

otherwise would have left us in the endless stream of spent years

Eight pairs of 3D glasses, that parking lot and bus tickets

the expired Barista cards, the ring made instantly out of the grass

flower petals, a black cap, and defunct earphones,

the tissue paper on which we played the game of criss-cross

and other remnants of that glorious time

I carry them all with me stirring the wonderful in my mind

and with them I make this dim conduit of your absence a little bright..